Things are going well in my world. I am so grateful to be feeling so great today. These things ebb and flow, yesterday I woke up in a great mood, made blueberry pancakes, was feeling great about life and then DH made a comment about pancakes not being on my diet and it set me off. I have been overreacting to some things as an over correction of my co-dependent behavior while drinking. I have thought about this a lot. You see, I would drink, feel guilty, and to make up for it (usually because hubby and I would get into some sort of rip roaring argument when I was drinking because I became mean) So to make up for this behavior I would suck up the next day, I took the blame for everything even when I suspected he embellished my poor behavior because I had let us down again. I always did the things he wanted to do, tried to over compensate in the wife arena to make my drinking issues not seem so bad, because hey look how perfect I am as a wife otherwise.
Now in my 26 days of sobriety, I have my mojo back which means I put my foot down more, I want to do my own things more, I want to see the movies I want to see etc. Don't get me wrong, my husband told me how much better he likes me sober, but I am not such a push over. I have always been independent, but a lot of that got lost with my drinking.
I do like working my way back to me, there are just a few growing pains along the way.
Glad things are going well. You mention codependency and that is on the top of my list to learn more about...
ReplyDeleteWell what is interesting is that many people that struggle with alcohol abuse and other types of addictions become codependent. There is a great book on the topic, "Co-Dependent No More". Its the bible on the subject.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was like that too. A mean and defensive drink,er. And then a pushover when sober and contrite.
ReplyDeleteI have always been concerned about others feelings. I learned codependency growing up and bpnew er really found a way to deal with it.
I am much better now at listening to my own needs and letting my husband have his own emotions. He doesn't need me to make him feel better all the time. Biting my tongue is often the best solution. And we can joke about it.
Hope you are doing well.
Anne