Its Friday night!

Friday nights are the most difficult sober nights, since Fridays have been my typical nights where drinking was accepted, and I could plan to drink more than my controlled amounts.  I had yet another function to go to tonight.  It was an open house for a new business.  Yes they had wine, food, and a water cooler.  I was tired, did a bit of networking, and went and picked up dinner. I'm watching a movie I will actually be able to pay attention to, and I will wake up fresh tomorrow. 

I did feel great today, and I definitely would have "no showed" to some of these events this week if drinking was on the table.  I never liked to drink at "events" because it was too taxing to limit my drinking.  Off to watch my movie. 

Annoying company functions

Day three and I'm pooped!  So, yet another function tonight.  Tonight was a company meeting.  My alcohol story tonight was that there were drink tickets handed out when you signed in.  Yes, there was beer and wine and no soft drinks.  Seriously?  I had an Odouls which I know is a trigger for some people but I only drank beer occasionally and it was not on my list of "go to for drunkeness" so I don't feel bad.  It was the only "soft drink" available.  It really helps me to have something in my hand, soft drinks, or water, but it is something I never noticed throughout my drinking career how difficult it can be sometimes to get something non-alcoholic to drink at an evening function.  Especially if the drink tab is picked up by the company or host/hostess, the assumption is made that you will drink especially if you don't have to pay. 

Ahhhh.....the fallacy.  Anyhoo, I'm home, I'm tired and I'm sober.  It was a long day but I feel great!  Woo hoo!

100 day challenge Day Two....

So today is day two.  I had a good day at work, stayed in the zone until the end of the day and frankly work things started falling apart.  I usually like to cook, its a good end to the day.  Its a bit hard because I used to get a thrill about being able to open a bottle of wine while testing my culinary skills.  It was the idea of it, it was never as exciting as I played it up in my mind.  But you know, I think its the Bengal tiger of the marketing of wine and alcohol.  Its never been like it is billed to be.  I made a pork tenderloin stuffed with bacon and smoked gouda, sauteed spinach, and mashed potatoes.  Sound good?  It just didn't come together, like my day.  The cheese melted out, and the bacon made the tenderloin too salty, the mashed potatoes weren't creamy enough, the spinach had no flavor aside from an over abundance of red pepper.  So, it was Magnum night.  No, not a magnum of champagne, but a Magnum bar.  Mmmmmm.........the point is I am sober.  I will make this 100 days.  I will, its a starting point.  Yes it will be through the holidays, but I will do it!  

 

So, I have decided to note for the next 100 days, in my 100 day sobriety challenge to note how starting today through the holidays how many people question why I'm not drinking.  It is really funny when you think about it, people question your NOT drinking.  Nobody questions why I don't drink orange juice in the morning, but if you go out or people's houses for dinner, they wonder why you aren't drinking.  I did the same when others didn't drink.  I assumed they were religious, or alcoholics, but more often I thought they wouldn't be fun, they were probably judging me for drinking, and that I didn't want to invite them over for parties.  Pretty messed up!  I bought into the big lie that people couldn't be fun, cool, or the life of the party if they weren't drinking.  Wow!

So tonight I went to a work function, it was from 4-6pm and they were passing canape's and champagne when we walked in the door.  Instant awkward, because when I said no thank you to the champs, I was told in the kitchen there was San Pellegrino in the kitchen.  Of course, there were plastic cups with it, while everyone else was drinking from champagne flutes.  Instant second class citizen status.  It wasn't a problem, just an observation.  So, day one down, 99 more to go on my challenge.  Oh yeah, and it feels strange not to feel drained and foggy while sitting watching television before going to bed.  A very good weird.  More tomorrow.......

I'm on a roll now, three days but who is counting.  I'm really not, at least not so much.  I just want to make it first to one week, then two and then I'll be in uncharted territory.  Its shouldn't be hard, and most times it isn't.  The problem for me, is I tend to like to isolate at times.  I like being around people and being social, but some times I prefer to work at home and not deal with the stuff that goes on at work.  I'm not sure why, its just I am really hard on myself, and if I feel like I'm not working to my fullest potential, I get hard on myself, and then I compare myself to others that I feel that I should be more successful than, I just don't know how to motivate myself to move.  I know this became less of a problem when I had some sober time.  

I think that the more "sober" I become, the more my motivation will peak.  So, here I go with a flash of brilliance, I will put myself and my sobriety first.  I have to believe the rest will follow.   So here are my commitments-1 I will not drink, 2. I will eat real food, 3. I will exercise more.  This is my commitment for now until the end of the year.  Work will come in fourth until the new year.