I am on a roll!

I did it.  I turned the voice off.  The voice was so strong (no I am not schizophrenic).  This was the strongest voice yet.  My husband is out of town on business for the final time this year.  I have been getting so much work done this week since I can work with a clear head, and my husband isn't home so I can work or Facebook, or do whatever in the evening.  This afternoon I am making some red beans and rice, and cleaning out closets, and doing my normal work, and the thought first came across as something like "you know, if you finish all of these projects you could take a bubble bath, and get a bottle of wine, and read for an hour.  Then I tried banishing the wine part.  I couldn't stop it, it was there.  I had pretty much made up my mind to start over (again) because this is the last time I could get away with it.  The only thing that bothered me at first about that thought is that I would have to lie to my husband, or tell him while he is away that I fell of the wagon.  I couldn't stop the thought.  I laid down my chopping utensils, and decided to go to the store and get the wine and then "see" how I feel in a few hours after I have finished my work.

Here is what is different this time than any other time that I have had this thought. Once I have decided to do it, then the relapse has begun, nothing can usually sway me from doing it.  I sat down at the computer, and decided to read a few sobriety blogs by the many new found sober bloggers, and go read their day nine stories and it helped!  Every one of them sounded like me, but what is interesting, reading blogs is like being in a time machine, many of the bloggers have now been sober for a year or so, and their whole writing style has changed, they seem like grown ups instead of pouting children, they have grown in their sobriety, and damn it, I am not going to drink.  I have NEVER stopped the train when I decided to drink to before, and I have.  Thank you Belle, Anne, and Mrs. D.  Whew!

One thing I have noticed about many of the bloggers is that they have husbands who 1. Drank with them but wouldn't have been drinking if they were alone 2. That could take it or leave it and 3. That never put their foot down about alcohol, but expressed later that they were worried.   Isn't it interesting that men can swallow what they are feeling.  I guarantee if my husband had told me it was time for me to quit drinking, I would have given him the old middle finger (figuratively or maybe not if I was drinking).  He tolerated me, and I don't want the super hubby to have to tolerate me.  I will do this.  So, off to clean out my closet AND when I am finished with my work I'll take a bubble bath, with a blood orange soda, and my Kindle.  Aaaaah!!!!!!!